The Start

The most difficult and important step of any journey is the first one you take. So very many things make it difficult. They will vary from person to person, journey to journey but they are always there, visible or unseen, recognized or subconscious, but there, never the less. The innumerable things and events that have brought us to the point of departure – the present and past that we may be jeopardizing in the taking of that step – the sheer audacity, possible terror, hope, fear, excitement, etc, of finally choosing to not just think and dream about it but to really do it. TO GO!

And you know how important it is. So important that if you dwell on it for long you are immobilized and never move. Since that’s how it’s been so many times before maybe now you just step out with little conscious decision. But, of course, you’ve been over every conceivable aspect how often? So, which way to move? To which star will you set your compass? You know course corrections can be made later on but that takes so much more energy and time. And you don’t want to waste time.

Isn’t that why you are embarking on this journey? Because you are wasting your precious time (life) as you are?

Any written work is a journey with accompanying baggage, risks, considered destinations and the acceptance of unforeseen possibilities. The more personal the topic is to the writer the more difficult it is to begin. As I will be trying to fully share my thoughts on faith, spirituality, organized Christianity and becoming human, I must first strive for full disclosure on my baggage, etc. not only to myself but to all who might accompany me.

After twelve years of teaching and cattle ranching I sold out and enrolled in Vancouver School of Theology which was at that time, as it turned out, was probably the most forward thinking seminary on the continent. I had been raised in the church but thoroughly bored. In my 20’s, through friends, I had become involved with a more enthusiastic and fundamentalist approach to Christianity and became more spiritually alive and questioning. I entered seminary to explore only; the last thing I thought of was being clergy!

After two years study I was begged by a northern B.C. congregation to take the pulpit for six months since their minister had suddenly resigned and they needed time in which to find a permanent replacement. Finally, I accepted. I was green and very un-ministerial. They loved me into the job and I flourished. After nearly two years I left, only because there was a time factor on my completing my degree.

Because of that great experience I felt that perhaps the church had room for me after all and I accepted ordination upon graduation. Although I certainly had some wonderful times in the next twenty years and was blessed through hundreds of people, I grew increasingly frustrated by the general lack of spiritual growth of the congregations. And increasingly there was a gap between my calling and my job as minister. And I was too stupid/blind/arrogant/etc. to recognize the trouble I was getting into. I entered into a deep depression and burned out, unhelped by those around me largely because of my own denials.

It is now ten years later. I remain wounded but mostly healed. Retired but, frustratingly, still called by God to share with others. I now have nothing to hold me back – no church board to please or job to lose. Every day is filled with time to fill as I chose. So I clean the boat and keep it in repair, do the odd jobs that are required, bike some to keep my knees in shape and do some reading Now is start something new and old – communicating with others what I know and hear to be God’s WORD to me and to my world. To do it is hard. To not do it is much harder. To try is the least I can do. I tell myself that the first step is just to get the word out there and to not worry about what might be next. That’s God’s business.

I see myself in the tradition of the prophets of old, trying to communicated God’s WORD to those around them. It’s not fun, profitable or popular – just something that has to be done. And in this time and place that is so damn unloving I surely can’t hurt anything. Most prophets had a pretty short time of activity. Their WORD was addressed to certain people at a certain time. So maybe I’ll do my thing for a few months and then be done. Time will tell. As to the truth of what I say, only those who receive it can tell. If it is truth to a few then it is well worth it. Even if it finds no ears it needs to be said because it festers within me if left.

God be with us all as we try to become part of the WORD, hearing, understanding, struggling, speaking, and doing. AMEN!

On to Step One: The Interlude